I can't find Jojo. He's been missing the whole semester. I've tried to txt/call him, and even used the Chinese instant messenger QQ (which is how I stay in touch with a lot of students). I'm not sure what happened--I thought we were becoming good friends.
I met Jojo at English corner last semester (where a lot of students go to practice English with each other once a week--we're obligated to attend, but it gives us opportunity to meet students we don't teach), and we seemed to hit it off well. That night's topic was sports, and after we exchanged phone numbers and emails, I would meet up with him about once a week to have lunch and talk. He helped me to buy a new hard drive for Rebecca's laptop, and we even had a couple of "philosophical discussions" over the course of the term.
But now he's gone. Vanished. I assume it's because he was a senior and only had a senior project left in order to graduate, and perhaps he stayed home to finish the spring term. However, I'm afraid I might have been less than a freind in Jojo's eyes.
It's quite normal in Chinese culture to "befriend" someone in order to acheive a goal (the equivalent of the phrase "wine and dine" comes to mind), and this seems to happen all the more to English-speaking foreigners. The unfortunate truth is that it takes a long time to earn a Chinese person's trust (but when you do, it's usually for life). And it's not unusual to lose contact with a person when a need is met (in my case helping practice English for some standardized exam, interview, etc.)
I suppose the point is that sometimes it is hard to know for sure whether a person really wants a relationship, or they just have a need. Don't get me wrong, I'm not really hurt or angry, I understand that is part of relationships in this culture (and others)--as confusing as that may be. However, it does make it difficult to discern when to put energy and time into a relationship with hopes of developing it on a spiritual level, when, in fact, it ends up as nothing but free English tutoring.
Jojo is gone, and he's not the only student I've lost touch with from last semster. I think positively about these people, looking to meet up with them again, realizing that it does take "40 touches" sometimes to finally get through to someone (see Kevin's blog here). But it does make me a little gunshy with the next person that wants to hang out. Father, help us discern these situations and always be willing to put our trust in you when meeting someone new.
Wisdom from above is necessary to discern the answer to this dilemma. In light of the 40 touches concept, it may mean that you will never know so these are things we just have to accept because of the evidence of things not yet seen. I suggest you always push through your "gunshy" concerns. Big brother spent time with the rich man who went away sad just like the rich man who gave him a tomb. We leave the mystery of the outcome to Papa.
ReplyDeleteNow if you have to choose between using time with a PoP and a user you always go with the former. But periodically it takes time for this difference to become clear. The jailor in Philippi did not start off looking like a PoP. We do what we do because of who Papa is and what he may do.
Keep on keeping on! Your doing good work!
Kingdom living attracts many people, but not all are ready for the kingdom. Many are called but few are chosen. The "deselect" themselves for some reason. Our job is the kingdom living part. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteIt appears Jojo is not the only one missing. Where is the follow-up, bro? I keep thinking you will share with us what you learned from your China experience. [Kris and Michael urged me to write this because they love you so much!]
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